Stretching

It is all too easy to stay in our comfort zone. We know it, we may not like it, but we always kind of know what will happen on a day to day basis. As a tool for personal growth, I have to tell you it sucks!

Like you, I have been guilty of creating a lovely warm nest for my comfort zone. When my soul tells me, 'Oi! wake up! It's time to get out of this bed and go do something', I usually manage to ignore it. Or at best I 'pretend' to do something, and then crawl back under the duvet.

Since dad died, my nest had got real warm. Snuggled up in the blankets of reclusivity, self pity, anger and denial, I was going to have to be winkled out with a crowbar. Intellectually, I knew that what I was doing was 'wrong', but then I convinced myself that the grieving process takes time, it was too early, it was the wrong day of the month, I could start tomorrow, it didn't feel the right time to take action...blah blah flipping blah.

Fortunately, my soul is made of sterner stuff. Despite the fact that it must be exhausted from kicking my butt around for the last few months, it still managed to set my alarm, boot me out of bed and get me in the car for 9am this morning. I was going to a women's speed networking event. Yay! Snore!

At 7:30 am this morning, the devil on my back was saying, 'stay in bed Janny. You are lovely and warm, the dogs are snuggled up to you, you don't want to go out in the cold on such a nasty day as this. Stay in bed. It will probably be full of women that make cakes for a living anyway'. The D.O.M.B can sound pretty convincing.

Puffing up like an irate blowfish, my soul pulled back the covers and yelled, 'GET UP....NOW!!'

Exit D.O.M.B!

I used to be a real shy soul, so driving to this event I felt myself rising and falling between courage and cowardice, 'what about if no one likes me?' my inner child whined. 'Like that's going to happen!' my inner warrior bounced back. And so it went on.

Twenty women in one room. It sounds a nightmare doesn't it? But it was great, fab, inspirational and so well worth sliding out of bed for.

I am ashamed to say that it's the first networking event I have done for over a year. Somehow my ex business partner and I convinced each other that networking was not for us. Scaredy cats I now realise!

I spoke to most of the women, and synergystically connected with three or four ladies that I felt a real link with. I already have a meeting with one lady, and plans to get together for a coffee with three others. One lady I know is going to make an impact on my project for Help for Cancer.

This fun event also made me realise how passionate I am about the work. I will still follow the corporate work, but I noticed that when I talked about the cancer project, I lit up, totally lit up. Now you and I know that my soul is saying, 'hey, get it now eh?' and yes my dear soul I understand and am now committed to stretching those emotional muscles to get myself out there.

You don't know who you are until you stretch. You don't know how powerful you are until you take a step nearer the bar. You have no idea of the mass of potential inside of you, until you see it reflected in other peoples eyes.

So get out of bed right now, ditch the comfort blankets and go look for you star!

More signs

This is the way it works guys!

I have been given another sign today. That is two in less than eight hours! That should give you hope, as once they start to come they come thick and fast!

Take care

Jan

Are you comfortable?

During many years of meditation and study, I have learned to recognise when I am feeling emotionally uncomfortable. I don't enjoy it and I don't suppose I ever will. I still have to push away the desire to move away from it quicker than I should.

I say that because when you are feeling a little, or a lot of, discomfort in your life, it is important to sit with it.
Running away is a short term fix as, when you stop for a rest, it catches up with you again somewhere down the line.

The discomfort is an indication that something isn't quite right in your life. The fun part [not] is trying to work out what that 'something' is. Good luck with that one! The problem is that we try to find answers with our intellect, and that never provides good solid answers. Most times the issue runs at a much deeper level. I used to turn loops, mentally writing down lists in my head, trying to work it out. Frustrated and annoyed, I usually ended up running away from the truth. But now I take a big sigh, resign myself and sit with the pain.

In my experience, the discomfort is most often aligned with the fact that you are not doing what your soul was created to do, or you might be doing something that is not feeding your soul. You may have a sense that something is missing in your life. The missing link can feel like a big empty hole, and that's not nice.

So, the only courageous thing to do it sit it out. You can ask questions of the universe, God, the higher self - or whatever your belief system dicates, but don't look for an answer, and don't try and set a timescale for resolution. We are talking about the rest of your life, so answers might be a little slow.

After my dad died in June, I experienced the normal emotional chaos associated with grief. With a sick horse to nurse and a business partnership folding, I had a lot to do. Three months later I felt numb, and then I entered this discomfort phase. Even I, armed with the knowledge and experience that I have, had to super glue my feet to the floor. The urge to run was - and still is - so strong. Moving away from pain is such a relief, but it's not to be.

Today I received my first sign, an answer to one of the questions that I had thrown out to the universe. It was a small sign, but I welcomed it nonetheless. The trick now is to not try and analyze this sign, but simply accept it as a key along the path of learning. When you try and work out whats what, you get in the way of the soul who, lets face it, has a hard enough job getting past us at any time.

Another important point to note is that during this phase of discomfort, we can tend to make poor decisions. Incredibly for me, I go through stages of wanting to let one or two of my horses go. To those that know me and my horses, you understand how shocking that is!

My section A, Toadie, dislikes my energy during these times and becomes an angry bad tempered little pony. Although I feel calm and relaxed around him, he picks up on the deeper levels. I know I have resolved my issues, when he chills out. But it makes him impossible to live with. At the weekend he double barrelled my elderly dog for no apparent reason, and I suddenly wanted him not to be a part of my life. But I resist acting on these impulses because they are only stimulated by the spurs of emotional discomfort.

If you know what I am talking about, and I am sure that you do, take heart that this stage does not last, but you may experience it many times during your lifetime. Try not to label this disorder as depression, because that's too easy. Identifying with a label will interfere with the process. Just release your grip. let go and coast along on the waves as it bobs you about for a little while, until you land on the spot you - and your soul - are supposed to be on. Once you stop resisting, it tends to move through quite quickly. I let go several days ago and, as I said, the signs are coming.

Take care

Jan

Journey to the soul

What is it that looks out from within the fragile sheath that is our skin? Who is it that looks back at us in the mirror?

Have you ever experienced that slightly scary moment when you suddenly became aware that there is someone else in the room, so to speak? It's a bit like being seen naked by a stranger. Unsure what to do, where to look or what to say, most people cover up the truth as quickly as possible, shoving the soul back down to the dark.

Which is a shame, as for sure it is the best part of all of us. It is who we [really] are, and yet we race to cover it up for shame that 'someone' might discover our act is not real. That someone may even be yourself.

Most of go through life without a clear map. As children, many of us are given, what might appear to be, a good map by our parents or teachers, only to discover during a mid life crisis, that we have been following the wrong map. It's not a good place to be.

It's a gloomy day when you reach fifty and realise that you are not doing what you are supposed to be doing, and worse, having no idea what that is. Many people, at this point, admit defeat, pontificating that they are too old, too tired, too comfortable [or uncomfortable] to start changing the route. It's why people stay in dead end jobs, put up with rubbish relationships and never reach for the stars.

I believe that it's never too late! It's certainly not easy, indeed it can be pretty uncomfortable for a while, but I just know that it is worth it.

Just lately, my soul has been popping by a lot more recently. It usually manifests itself during a transaction with another person, or a group of people. I will say or do something and think, 'that wasn't me'. But it was, and the oddest thing about it is that the me that isn't me is better than what I thought was the real me.

My soul is funnier, charming, entertaining, inspirational, motivational, fearless, more physically active and daring and is has an element of free speaking that has a delightful childlike quality about it.

Up until now, it appears that I can't call 'it' up at will which, quite frankly, is annoying. But what I have noticed is that it is happier to come out [or is it me letting it out] when I am around people that I feel emotionally safe with.

I guess that nots surprising really is it? As children we learn, by a process of trial and error, how not to be humilated by others and what to do and what to say to reduce risk of being hurt. We define and develop our act, adding layers of protection day by day, week by week, month by month and year by year, until our childlike innocence and wonder has gone. We have become cynical.

Maybe you don't think you are cynical, and maybe that's the wrong word. But if life no longer holds magic and mystery for you, then you have developed the cynicism of adulthood, the cynicism that glues the soul to the inside for eternity.

Discovering magic has nothing to do with fantasy. I just had a moment of magic right now. The open fire is crackling warmly. My old black dog is standing on the hearth looking for more heat, and my young black dog sat up on the settee and looked wistfully out of the window, 'it's getting late mom, are we going to get a walk today?' was what her hopeful look said to me.

Following the magic is acting instinctively, going with the flow of the moment. So I am off to don jackets, waterproofs and wellies and I am off to the fields.

Come back for more.