Are you comfortable?

During many years of meditation and study, I have learned to recognise when I am feeling emotionally uncomfortable. I don't enjoy it and I don't suppose I ever will. I still have to push away the desire to move away from it quicker than I should.

I say that because when you are feeling a little, or a lot of, discomfort in your life, it is important to sit with it.
Running away is a short term fix as, when you stop for a rest, it catches up with you again somewhere down the line.

The discomfort is an indication that something isn't quite right in your life. The fun part [not] is trying to work out what that 'something' is. Good luck with that one! The problem is that we try to find answers with our intellect, and that never provides good solid answers. Most times the issue runs at a much deeper level. I used to turn loops, mentally writing down lists in my head, trying to work it out. Frustrated and annoyed, I usually ended up running away from the truth. But now I take a big sigh, resign myself and sit with the pain.

In my experience, the discomfort is most often aligned with the fact that you are not doing what your soul was created to do, or you might be doing something that is not feeding your soul. You may have a sense that something is missing in your life. The missing link can feel like a big empty hole, and that's not nice.

So, the only courageous thing to do it sit it out. You can ask questions of the universe, God, the higher self - or whatever your belief system dicates, but don't look for an answer, and don't try and set a timescale for resolution. We are talking about the rest of your life, so answers might be a little slow.

After my dad died in June, I experienced the normal emotional chaos associated with grief. With a sick horse to nurse and a business partnership folding, I had a lot to do. Three months later I felt numb, and then I entered this discomfort phase. Even I, armed with the knowledge and experience that I have, had to super glue my feet to the floor. The urge to run was - and still is - so strong. Moving away from pain is such a relief, but it's not to be.

Today I received my first sign, an answer to one of the questions that I had thrown out to the universe. It was a small sign, but I welcomed it nonetheless. The trick now is to not try and analyze this sign, but simply accept it as a key along the path of learning. When you try and work out whats what, you get in the way of the soul who, lets face it, has a hard enough job getting past us at any time.

Another important point to note is that during this phase of discomfort, we can tend to make poor decisions. Incredibly for me, I go through stages of wanting to let one or two of my horses go. To those that know me and my horses, you understand how shocking that is!

My section A, Toadie, dislikes my energy during these times and becomes an angry bad tempered little pony. Although I feel calm and relaxed around him, he picks up on the deeper levels. I know I have resolved my issues, when he chills out. But it makes him impossible to live with. At the weekend he double barrelled my elderly dog for no apparent reason, and I suddenly wanted him not to be a part of my life. But I resist acting on these impulses because they are only stimulated by the spurs of emotional discomfort.

If you know what I am talking about, and I am sure that you do, take heart that this stage does not last, but you may experience it many times during your lifetime. Try not to label this disorder as depression, because that's too easy. Identifying with a label will interfere with the process. Just release your grip. let go and coast along on the waves as it bobs you about for a little while, until you land on the spot you - and your soul - are supposed to be on. Once you stop resisting, it tends to move through quite quickly. I let go several days ago and, as I said, the signs are coming.

Take care

Jan